Don’t Go County Judge On Your Kids – Some Ideas on Discipline

This week all the buzz has been about a local judge spanking or more correctly whipping his sixteen year old daughter.  I will spare you the details since you can go to www.kristv.com and see the story.  In a nutshell his was attempting to discipline his teenager with a belt. He was absolutely not in control of his e-motions and it was out of line.

Being a parent of young children the subject of discipline is something I have paid special attention to.  Through study, discussions with other parents, and trial and error my wife and I have come up with some basics on discipline.  By no means am I a parenting expert only an expert on parenting my three year old.  However I have learned in life that principles are timeless and transfer from situation to situation. I hope a few of these ideas can help you or someone you know.

1.  discipline is out of love not anger.  When I discipline my daughter whether it be a timeout, sending her to her room, or a spanking it’s always out of love and not anger.  I love her too much to let her grow up selfish and rude.  My goal is to raise her to be a great adult. This can only be done out of love and not anger.

2.  Spanking is to teach them and not take it out on them. I dislike spanking my daughter and only do so when my wife and I feel appropriate and it is always done when we are under control emotionally.  We have taken lessons from the likes of James Dobson and Kevin Lehman. The idea is to enforce a lesson not beat them.  The child must understand why and repeat why it’s about to happen. The swat is always followed by a hug.  The actual process hurts me inside, so I get the old phrase “this is going to hurt me more than you”.  Please learn how to spank if its something you decide to use.  My goal is to use it rarely because it should be a shock to the child not a routine.

3. Both parents can’t be angry at the same time. One way my wife and I can keep under control is that we have an agreement that if one of us gets to angry or is on the verge of losing emotional control the other steps in.  Using this methods ensures accountability amongst the both of us.

4. Children can’t be controlled only guided.  The day I realized I can’t control my daughters like  robot made it easier and tougher on me.  I gave up attempting to control them (including the 11 month old in this one) and spend more time teaching them. My goal is to have them wanting to behave not just do it because they are afraid. I do expect them to do what I say. It’s a process for them and me.  When they are little you must have more control over what they do and give freedom as they grow. The part you can never control is their thinking, which is what most people want.

5. Seek Counsel. I am a big learner and hope to always be.  Everyday I am reading and asking questions. It amazes me that people don’t read anymore. Then when they do they are more likely to read about hobbies or work than parenting.  I take honor in being labeled “a book parent.”  My thought is that I care enough to research how to get better. I am constantly seeking advice to create my own system and way of doing things.  They don’t teach parenting in school. I was lucky to have good parents growing up, but not everyone did. The only way most people learn is from their parents. Your kids are one of the few things in life that you don’t get to do over.

6. To the men – Being a man and father is about leading.  A father is  head of the household. This means you are responsible for the household and it’s decision maker. However a father and husband must always make decisions that are in the best interest of his family not just him.  It’s not about macho, but about being “mucho” in love with your family.  You have an awesome responsibility and opportunity to raise a fabulous family.

These are just a few things I have learned in my few years as a parent.  I hope a few of the ideas help out. I just hate to think that there are parents out there still acting like our local idiot judge who obviously doesn’t know what a real man is.

Joseph